Breaking Kayfab

so i leave for france in 5 days.
i fly accross the atlantic ocean in 5 days.
i see 300 year old buildings hold mcdonalds in 5 days
i hang out with james in 5 days.

that's rad.

But, i would like to mention that i'm getting a little freaked out, because quite frankly, after this trip, i'm going to have no money for rent/bills/food/guitars/amps/new sticks

and that's not what's freaking me out.
it's the fact i've become totally ok with it.

shouldn't i have some kind of survival instinct that says "you know, you're a fucking idiot?" because i don't. all my mind is saying is "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING AAAAWWWWWEEEESOME. there must be a way for me to find some kind of solice in this right?

. . .didn't think so. . .

o well.
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New Royalty is sorting itself out.
most/all our problems have been stemming from one thing.
we don't practice nearly enough.

i hope that while i'm away they get a couple concreate practices in,
and do the things that we talked about tonight.
like find at least 2 days durring the week for practice and stick to them.

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i need a new job.

my medsenses contract is going to be up very soon.
and that means i have about 1500 less a month
and it's hard to live off the other crap i get paid at best western.

gahd damn.